An unexpected thing happened yesterday after I came back home from a run and visit of my friend. I looked at my turquoise green painting (The Turquoise Green Angel…) and suddenly realized, it was done. It was a bizarrely great feeling. I left the painting with a thought that there was still so much to do while I just needed to step away from it for a few hours and look at it with fresh eyes to realize that the painting was finished.
The whole left part of the painting I was not sure about somehow suddenly made sense. There are a few spots I still need to cover with paint though, but this work is just that, a cleanup. There are no major decisions to make, just to keep it the way it is and move my attention onto the next canvas.
The Interrupted Tea Party was becoming way too logical and constrained. I looked for meaning in every line. The Turquoise Green Angel was following the energy of The Interrupted Tea Party. I have all these little heads play parts of the big heads in the painting, so to go expressively with free flowing brush strokes and not to think if I am fitting inside of my lines was a wonderful reminder of how I should let my control go and dance emotionally with my brushes and paints. I needed that freedom in the painting, so this chaotic-storm-hit-or-caught figure became exactly what I needed to express in the fear of sexual intercourse I am portraying on the lower part of the painting. I am not sure if the figures I have painted are visible for others as clearly as I can see them, but that doesn’t matter anymore, because there is a plenty of space in the painting that is clearly defined by calm figures and faces to feast eyes on.
I love this freedom of expressive painting when you just let it go, trust your brush and follow with it your emotions. Most of my large paintings were painted like that. It also became clear to me that I need to spend some time on cleaning my lines and figures after I work like that. After I finish my clean up on a canvas I can go back into expressive emotional brush strokes.
Originally written on 11-11-17
We had a conversation with J. while driving home. He asked me about my paintings. While talking to him I realized a few things about my work. One of them was to trust my gut feeling when it comes to creating. Another one involved my overthinking. I should let the overthinking go when my emotional creativity is involved. I have been “correcting” my lines many times because to me they seemed not “clean” enough. Then I also realized that those “unclean” lines are my favorite lines, because they show my immediate emotional movement with a brush or a pencil, so why not to leave them the way they are. They speak way more to me than the constrained lines I logically draw.
My red painting (My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels) is on my easel now. I feel like I should remove from my view the other canvases I have on my walls. It seems like that red is demanding my full attention. It doesn’t like to be distracted by other paintings. It is quite interesting to feel this way considering that putting out all of my other paintings and placing them around in my room helped me to finish the turquoise green painting which doesn’t have the name yet.
I would not like to be so obvious and use the word “penetration” in the name, because then people automatically would look for it on the canvas. It is quite clear to me that I painted a large penis entering one of the angel’s tushy on the bottom of the painting.
Should the name have something to do with the turquoise green color? Like “Passion in Turquoise?” But that’s again like calling the white “white.” The name I had for it (“Walking the Yellow Line”) doesn’t work for me anymore.
There is one character in the painting I know is inspired by the fog I see through my windows. Somehow that fog reminds me of Čiurlionis’ paintings. The painting I am thinking of has this large dark hill reflecting into the water which looks like a huge giant looking out of the water. There are two bright spots there which suggests somebody burning fire by the water. The fire reflects on the surface looking like the eyes of the giant.
I have a giant (fog) figure peeking out from behind all these heads on the left side of the painting. These pencil drawn heads create parts of the giant’s face.
Maybe the name should have something to do with observation (“Observation in Turquoise”) or maybe “Watching” or “Looking” or “The White Angel with a Face of Yellow and a Mask of Blue?” I should say I kind of like a name like this, because colors in this case indicate certain emotional/psychological states like, yellow is usually a happy color (friendship) while blue is blue as in sadness or being clear and things like that. Turquoise green – blue and yellow mixed together. How about “Watching the White Angel with the Yellow Face and a Mask of Blue?” Something like that?
For some reason I still want to include “the turquoise green” and the word “penetration” in the name, but that could be the part I should edit out, because I am already too obvious with “The White Angel with a Face of Yellow and a Blue Mask.” I sure have plenty of “masks” in my paintings which also can mean “something to hide,” like “masking some areas from being visible.” At the moment “Watching the White Angel with a Yellow Face and a Blue Mask” makes sense to me and sounds about right. I am going to see how this name develops in a few days and if I like it as much as I do now.
Originally written on 11-13-17