I received a very big boost to my confidence after I read all these comments to my posted photo of two of my paintings on Facebook.
Wow, I didn’t know I needed it. This emotional lift helped me to see what I was missing in the paintings. The reactions, surprisingly to me, triggered a creative thread/flow/idea and helped me to move my mind from a stagnant place. I guess that was a combination of emotions I had which somehow got my mind working. Some personal memories about Andy were mixed into these emotions. A sharp image of us walking under one umbrella some long time ago while Roxy was one of the most visited clubs by gay party goers in NYC got me into a creative mood.
After posting the photo I was able to see how I could approach the work on the Turquoise Green Angel.
I was greatly surprised by the effect that was encouraged by the people who saw my work for the first time. I realized that many didn’t even know that I paint. My older paintings I showcase on my website are quite hidden if you try to find them there, which tells me that I should be more open about my work and make it more visible and accessible.
I am on a good path. I should say I enjoy the reactions and the feeling I have right now. I definitely needed it. So without losing it I did a whole photo shoot placing my paintings in all kinds of weird angles. I realized that lines and angles do inspire me.
My paintings don’t really have sharp angles. My lines are rounded and smooth, corners have same kind of softness to them too. Maybe that is why placing them in a certain way using straight lines of framed canvases make them speak louder or something. In any case, this photo shoot gave me an idea of how my paintings could be exhibited.
I love sun rays that pass through my morning windows. They cast beautiful shadows. The combination of light and shadows made The Red Painting (My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels) alive. I caught myself thinking that somehow I need to find a similar window with natural light, that whoever ends up with the painting could see the changes it goes through with the lines and shadows the sun creates throughout the day.
Also I was thinking maybe I should simulate those shadows with artificial light, but then again, the movement of tree leaves and branches outside my windows is unique to my place and it would be hard for me to find or recreate those shadows with the artificial lighting unless I film those shadows throughout the day and project them on the painting. That is actually a great idea and I should keep it in mind.
What became obvious to me after posting the photo that these two pictures (The Rain Angel and The Red Painting) should go together. White lines of The Red Painting became parts of The Rain Angel extending it outside the blue canvas creating an illusion of continuation of the Angel’s wings. The way the two canvases were places in the photo added a lot into the feeling of them possibly being exhibited next to each other.
So I continued playing with other canvases being placed similarly.
I know that at the moment my thinking is triggered by the reactions I’ve gotten, but what matters is that my mind is working and I see what I needed to see, how my hands should do the work and bring the paintings to the level of how I imagine them to be.
It is quite easy to discourage yourself by comparing your work with the work of other artists. There is always going to be somebody who is more technically advanced and more interesting, but comparing yourself to others does not help. It actually kills the joy of creating. There are going to be people who are going to do the comparison for you regardless.
For example one of my friends compared my blog writings (yes, I do have another blog: https://soggymush.wordpress.com/ ) to the writings of Hemingway, but in such a way you don’t want to be compared to. It was pointed out to me that my writings were not Hemingway. I wrote that particular blog entry while drinking port and, of course, I posted it without reading it after I sobered up. The blog was a mess. I had to spend a whole day editing the unreadable diarrhea. I was surprised that I didn’t get more reactions like I got from my friend.
Note to self: I should always reread my writings in the morning that I don’t leave some incomprehensible mess!
So now, those reactions I have gotten are a little deceiving, because I know that the paintings in the photo are not finished yet. Receiving a reaction as if a painting were done can confuse. You begin to entertain an idea that you are already done with one or another painting while at the same time you feel there is something still missing in it.
It could be that the way the photo was taken of those two paintings gave an impression of them being finished, which is great, because I can appreciate and quite enjoy that flight The Red Painting is giving to the blue of The Rain Angel in the state it is right now, so all is good. I just need to make a mental note to myself, not to get too far up my ass and modestly enjoy the energy I receive from my friends. These emotions are great and I am glad that reactions are happening.
Observing The Red Painting (My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels) made me understand that I should be exhibiting my paintings in an unusual way. There should be some angles created by canvases and walls. There should be some specific light created for the paintings and there should be some other paintings still painted to accompany the ones that already exist.
I see a small canvas/painting attached or next to the Rain Angel as some kind of crown. I don’t want to paint an actual crown but The Rain Angel‘s crown could be a pink cloud or something like that.
I am not completely satisfied by just hanging my canvases on walls the way they usually are. I always felt the need to go beyond the frame and kind of extend the painting into the environment it is placed in. I realize that I would love to exhibit my paintings on an abandoned house walls which have maybe some ivy growing through some cracked paint, maybe a piece of brick is visible, some moss and rain stains, so then a confined rectangular painting somehow extends into the natural lines created by the elements.
It is quite strange how I combine lines from my red painting with my turquoise green painting and how I look through my window and combine the lines that trees and corn fields create with the lines of The Turquoise Green Angel with a Face of Yellow and a Mask of Blue.
The colors are changing in front of my windows now and pretty soon I am going to have bare trees and brown fields with gray skies. All this make me excited about the additional effects my paintings will get only by being placed in front or next to a window like that.
Originally written on 10-1-17