I started two smaller canvases yesterday and I am glad I did. There is definitely some energy to release after battling that yellow color on my large turquoise green painting with the red screaming/singing heads. My focus is on my new 24×30” canvass now which, funny enough, had a lot of yellow at the beginning.
I believe I have started that canvas more than a year ago. It was not going anywhere until last night when I took the prime blue and covered with it most of the canvas. I realize that when I do things like that paintings come to me themselves. They reveal what was trapped for a long time.
I call this canvas at this stage The Blue Angst under the Full Moon. This name, of course, might change, but at the moment it is giving me all that I need.
Last night the painting process was intense. My arm got tired by all this energy I was putting on the canvas. I love feeling physical tiredness while working on my paintings.
This size of canvas dictates a very different energy and approach. They tend to enhance details. Certain faces with emotions come to the foreground and fill most of the space as if under the magnifying glass.
My mind was somewhere else for a moment wondering about what is going to happen next on those canvases I have in the corner. I have seven of them at this time. I have covered one with this deep green color. I don’t know yet where this color is going to take me.
A canvas with some torsos and faces was started almost at the same time as The Blue Angst. I was also not getting anywhere with it. It collected dust in my closet. So I mercilessly covered all that was on the canvas. I should say I am glad I did. It was not letting me move forward and was getting on my nerves. There were just way too many ideas happening on the surface and none of them were working for me, so it had to go.
I can’t wait to see what is going to happen on the newly covered canvas. More and more I get to know my acrylics more and more I understand that I am going to invest into a thicker kind. In the case of the yellow, which drove me nuts, if I wanted to cover something, let’s say a pencil drawn line, I had to apply three or even four layers of that yellow to completely cover it. It became quite a challenge in some cases. The kind of acrylics I used would work great if you were looking for a water color/light film effect. This was not the case for me. I needed thick layers of paint that give me a certain bumpy surface.
One of the reasons why I like working on previously failed paintings is that they already have that thick layer of paint. It becomes part of my fun to fill it up with other thick paint changing its surface and meaning.
I also realize how different types of brushes guide the flow of my paint. It is quite interesting to see that some of the brushes I used to use often are silent now. Maybe that is because now I have a certain way of applying my pain on canvases. It has become more like fast long-hand writing where lines are applied in a quick manner with a certain brush-dance movement. I might not make any sense now, but that is how I imagine my brushes work.
I feel like I am dancing with my brushes and paint. Every time I have this feeling I remember Giné who told me how Andrius Brazys used to paint. She said that he had a very elegant way of holding his brushes. It seemed like he was dancing when he was drawing his lines. Talking about Andrius and Giné I would love to see their paintings now. I know that I am somehow connected to them and what I’ve learned has something to do with them and their art. I know that from Giné I got this fairy tale like approach to my paintings and from Andrius I got the lines and of course the angels. They are more prominent now than they were while I was painting in Lithuania.
Originally written on 10-9-17