Yesterday my sudden decision to use the turquoise green on the naphthol crimson painting took me over. I should say I am glad it did. This stark difference is exactly what I needed on the canvas. Of course now I have to deal with all kinds of other stuff because of that turquoise green, but all is good. I was getting quite tired looking at the red and feeling that something is just not working for me.
It seems like the turquoise green and the naphthol crimson like to be together. It is almost as if they are meant to enhance each other. They are good accent colors. I am just going to go bold with this canvas. If I lose some of the things I like now, so be it. My goal is to make this canvas the way I like it. I don’t want to look at it and think that I am missing something or that it is not finished yet. Because of this turquoise green interference I covered that one spot that was bothering me in the painting. The canvas has way too many things started on. I don’t know how I am going to name it yet.
For some reason my mind just went off from the main focus and I began thinking about how my paintings could be perceived by audiences in the U.S. and in Europe. It is a weird feeling. The feeling is similar to the one you get when you direct a theater show. You don’t know if your show is good, if it invokes feelings, if it is entertaining enough for the audiences to want more from you when you work on it. A couple of times I found myself thinking about how my characters I create in theater now are different because of the painting I do.
There is this fashion photo shoot running through my mind. The clothes in it are “destroyed” by my paint first. Then they are hit by the intentionally directed to certain parts on a runway lights. The clothes become like my paintings, showing multiple angles of “characters” wearing them. The lights define only certain parts of models’ bodies while they walk. Multiple lights would create “spotlight islands” when the lights directed towards certain areas on the runways come together for a split second revealing several angles as if in a 3D image. I guess that is what excites me now, lights and shadows.
There are certain images/characters I’d like to explore on my canvases especially the large ones. There is always the fear of not having enough skills to fully realize all that what it is in my mind. But you know what, you learn through mistakes and your technique develops with time. More you do, better you become. I could linger on these thoughts or I could just do it. Through the actual work I know I am going to find my way to reveal what’s inside of my mind. It is quite amazing to realize that the paintings I spent least time on are my favorite. It probably has something to do with letting myself relax after being so strict with myself.
Originally written on 02-09-18