“My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels” – framing the light + back and forth with so many thoughts about white blobs and green dogs

One of the things I like to observe in the morning is how the sunlight and shadows fall on a painting I work on. The sun and shadows give me all kinds of inspirations about how my paintings should be lit. There is always a thought that maybe I should paint these shadows I see right there on a canvas. But then I realize, I like the change the moving light makes. Entrapping one “frame” of the change on a canvas would affect the overall “movement” of the light and shadows.

The shadow of my window frame create this cross-like element on My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels. The sun also adds some unexpected meaning to the turquoise green painting in the background.

I am at a strange place right now in regards of my red large painting (My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels). I am not fully sure if it is finished. I am not sure what my actions in a situation like this should be. My head tells me that I am not done with the painting yet because there are places I need to “tighten up,” but then again, is there anything else that needs to appear on the canvas? I am conflicted and might be overthinking some areas in my work. I am afraid that I might start painting something that should not be there, but then again, who knows what should be there?

I have defined my mom as the guardian angel of angels. There is also a sleeping boy behind her, and above her head there is this soldier with an attire from, I want to say, World War One or Civil War. How did he come into the picture I have no idea, but he came and has become a guard of some sorts to my mother. Then there is this whole big area painted as some kind of snow storm or angel feathers. This is where my head wants to put something. I begin to question if I should add another color and highlight something with it or not.

The thing is that that “something” is not on the canvas yet, so there is no need to highlight anything. I have this flying thought about putting some green in that big area similarly to what I have done with the red/violet on The Hooker’s Green Hue Dog, but is this green needed? Now that I mentioned dogs, maybe I should consider painting them. You know what, that might be not a bad idea. I should say I like it a lot. How they are going to be painted I don’t know yet, but while I am “tightening the painting” I might just put them there. Of course this thought about messing things up pops up, but really there is nothing to mess up: my mom as the angel, the soldier and the little sleeping boy are already on the canvas, so now it is time for the area which is covered with the white to be adjusted.

Of course by putting angry dogs (I am not sure yet why they should be angry though) I might change the energy of the painting. The question is which green should I use? What stops me from using any other color on this canvas is the fact that I have The Rain Angel, a painting which at the moment goes nicely together with My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels, but why am I thinking this way? I should be listening to what the painting “tells” me, not which one looks good next to it.

I am considering the phtalo green as a possible color to add, but the problem is I have not tried this particular paint, so I don’t know how it lays down. I am familiar with the phtalo blue I have. The Rain Angel is painted with it. The phtalo green might give me some unexpected results, which is fine, and it might even make the painting different, but I am not sure yet how I am going to go about it. I should probably start a small painting with the paint and see how the color lays and what kind of energy it gives. Logically speaking phtalo green should play nicely with phtalo blue, right? That is the reason why I bought both of them, but the question is, is it going to be as deep as the phtalo blue?

I just checked the phtalo green on my finger and I should say that I’d better paint a separate painting using it first before I go and add the color to this painting. Also who said that the “dogs” I am ready to paint must be green, why not white, besides I am not really sure what kind of “dogs” there are in that snow/feather storm. I started seeing some weird and funny faces, so I might find myself creating not what my mind says I should but what there is in the painting already. I just need to let my guards down and trust my hand.

Okay, I found myself staring at the painting again and as you know I can stare for hours. What I started seeing though is that I don’t really need to introduce another color at this moment. I will need to put white before any color on the canvas anyway so all is good and I might just as well continue with the red and white on this canvas unless I really see that I need another color, then, of course, a color comes in.

What is interesting to me at this stage of my creative development to observe is the fact that I began using perspective in my paintings more often. When I compare my earlier works and the paintings I am working on right now this tendency is very apparent and visible. I don’t know when this love for weird angles began, but it is very possible that the mushrooms helped me to see what I was missing.

Three Blue Figures, oil on masonite board ~1997. Strangely this painting I painted over twenty years ago would go nicely with The Blue Angel and My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels.

Originally written on 11-21-17

After I have put my red large (My Mom as the Guardian Angel of Angels) painting next to the phtalo blue The Rain Angel the painting feels finished even though I still hear this inner voice say: “uhm, I don’t know about that yet.” There are some spots I would like to “tighten up” though. See, the problem with the “tighten it up” is that it usually means that my eyes can connect certain lines making them into something that my brain understands and usually gives a name. In the case of this painting I see a white angel’s torso which is half turned from the viewer and the main/central mother’s image is behind the torso as if coming out of it, but I know for sure that most likely only I see this happening on the canvas. For most people this white line “mess” is just that – a mess. They might see something else in it and that is great, but my work, I understand, is to guide their eyes where my eyes go and make those connections which they might not see in the painting.

There are just way too many lines to highlight in the red painting. My mind gets overwhelmed in a situation like this.

Many times I have encountered this “problem” when showing and explaining where one or another line leads and what they create to whoever looks a my work. I remember G. telling me that I should explain my paintings to the audiences, that telling stories and explaining my work is a part of my art. No wonder that most of my paintings have other paintings that go together, completing/adding to each other in a certain way. They all can be hung separately and be their own entity, but some really come to life when they are hung or are next to each other.

What is interesting to see at the moment that my small paintings tend to be more independent than the large ones. There is just something about the large canvases: my eyes leave borders and keep following lines from one painting into another.

I am deciding now if I should start another painting and begin playing with another color or if I should continue on the red one and “finish up” those lines I see there into some kind of entity that is “clearer” for the audiences. One particular spot on the canvas, a white “blob,” is driving me nuts for a few days now, because my eyes “read” it as a “mistake” even though we all know that there are no mistakes (yeah, right?).

There must be a reason why that blob is there. I just don’t see the use of it yet, but logically thinking, I should stay away from the painting for a while and work on another canvas. The work on another painting should remove the tension I have created towards the red painting.

Originally written on 12-4-17

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